Hear MY Voice. Hear My Story!

My parents escaped the Khmer Rouge coming here in search of a better life. My mom has a jr high education bc her schooling was cut from the communist take over. My non laboring family had to learn how to farm and were put into camps. My dad was educated and was an educator. The Khmer Rouge wanted to kill anyone with money or an education. Why? Bc it’s communism — everyone must be on the same level, no one can be richer or smarter than anyone else. My dad had to hide and bury his diplomas. If you know anything about us you would know we value our education so much. If he didn’t, he would have been executed. This is the worst thing in history but no one really knows about the Khmer Rouge. Khmer people killing their own kind. A genocide. Nearly 2 million people killed. That was 25 percent of the population. Fortunately, my ENTIRE family escaped. My entire family on both sides are here in America. I hit the jackpot of life and I was born here in America. I never endured the nightmare that my parents did. I have never witnessed a murder or watch my loved ones be killed. My parents worked tirelessly so I could be a privileged and educated child. I’ve never known any of the hardships that they faced. Can you imagine? You’re living your regular life and then all of a sudden your freedom is taken away?!By our own people at that! I can’t fathom it.

My parents did not meet until they were here in America. My dad immigrated to Seattle where many other Cambodian people did. It’s easier to settle when you have a community. He started working right away and going to school at night to become a technician. My mom and her family immigrated to Carrollton, Texas. My mom’s cousin was the first to arrive there so it just made sense the rest of the family join. My parents met through my grandmothers. It was not an arranged marriage. It was like meet and if you like each other you can get married. It’s best to settle with a good family. My paternal grandmother also settled in Irving, Tx. The Cambodian community in 1983 was very small and everyone knew each other. My dad liked living in Seattle. My grandma had to force him to move to Texas and meet my mom.

Now my parents didn’t come here as refugees for free. They had to work to pay back their plane tickets and their accommodations.

Can you imagine? My mom lost her childhood at 14, my aunt at 11, and my uncle at 8 years old. Forced into concentration camps. Forced to work manual labor. After arriving in the US my mom(20) and aunt(18) had to immediately start working to support their family(my grandpa and grandma, great grandma and uncle). They worked assembly line jobs. My uncle was young enough that he was able to start high school. He’s told me some pretty funny stories about going to high school here and not knowing a lick of English. — maybe someday I will share that with you.

I am an American. Although, I’ve never really felt accepted. I was made fun of for being Asian(why is your face so flat? Can you even see with your eyes that slanty?) and the with my Asian family(distant cousins), I was too white washed (I spoke English properly) and wasn’t Asian enough! Okay?! Where do I belong?

I tried my entire childhood up until I was 18 to suppress anything about my Asian culture. I made sure to never speak with an accent. I so badly wanted to fit in, I never wanted to stand out. I wanted soo badly to be white. Why do I have to look like this? Why am I not beautiful? (Blonde hair and blue eyes) I lied about my religion because I didn’t want people to not be my friend. It makes me so sick to thing about it now. I never wanted to share what we ate or even when my family took a trip to Cambodia when I was 10, I didn’t want to tell people about it bc Cambodia is third world country. So stupid. I am so ashamed of myself.

I am so proud of who my parents are. I am so proud of what my parents had to endure to ensure me this kush lifestyle. I am privileged. I have never been without. I have never been hungry, my parents never told me I couldn’t have something.

So here I am. I am speaking out. Here is my voice. I belong here. My family belongs here! They’re all US citizens! I have rights just as much as you and anyone else. I was born on American soil. I will not shut up. Racism is not okay. I’ve laughed off my fair share of stupid Asian jokes, I fucking laughed with you. Not anymore! Fuck you! I am angry. I’m over it. 8 people are dead because of a racist bitch. A racist bitch who has access to guns, who sought after Asian owned businesses.

I cannot believe people are trying to humanize this monster! It’s not a hate crime, he just had a bad day?! Fuck that! Fuck that idiot sheriff! Hear me rage! Hear our story!